Letting Go
by ZebbieCullen
Summary: Steph has to make a decision that will change her life and the lives of those around her forever. Babe fic, one shot.


_A/N: It's a Babe fic...sort of. I, unfortunately, own nothing. It all belongs to JE. Feedback is appreciated, enjoy._

We all have to make choices in life. Some are more difficult or less obvious than others are. For example, what flavour ice cream to buy, or what to have on your pizza. These are the kind of choices that don't really have much affect on life or the way we live it. Sure, you might gain a few extra pounds, but it doesn't really matter.

The choice I was going to have to make? Oh yeah, it mattered. It _really_ mattered. It would effect not only my life, but the life of a lot of my friends, and the life of my best friend. The man I loved with everything I had.

I was going to have to make the decision as to whether or not the doctors switch off the the machine that was keeping him alive. The only thing that was keeping him with us, with me.

At the moment, he was in a coma, had been for months. He'd gone away on a mission and had come back unconscious with severe injuries. He'd survived all odds and had made it this far. I remember the day he left like it was yesterday. I wished it was, then I'd still be able to call him back and stop him from getting hurt. I'd give anything to hear him call me Babe again. Or to call me anything for that matter. I just wished he'd wake up.

"I can't do this," I whispered, my vision clouding with unshed tears. Lester, Bobby and Tank had talked for hours, but had been unable to reach a decision, so they had asked me. They had asked me if I wanted Ranger to continue living with the aid of machinery, or to let him go. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

Lester rested a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly, but I found little comfort or reassurance in the friendly gesture. There was only one person who could make me feel any better, and he was lying in front of me in a hospital bed. I looked at our entwined hands and contrasting skin tones. Light and dark, mocha and milk, yin and yang. We completed each other, made the other whole. I loved him and I had never told him. My heart was aching, but it was an ache I had gotten used to. It felt like a part of me was missing, like I had a hole in my chest.

"Bomber…Steph," said Lester, coming to stand next to me. "You know we'd never usually ever ask you to do something like this, and we can all see how much your hurting, but we really think that he'd want you to make the final decision."

I shook my head. "What about his family? His parents. They should be the ones to decide. Not us. Not me."

"They couldn't reach a decision either," said Tank, his voice sounded pained. He was, after all, Ranger's best guy friend. "So they asked us, and now we're asking you. I know it's not fair, and you don't have to decide, but you need to think of him."

I knew what Tank said was true, but it didn't make it any easier. "He wouldn't want to live like this," I mumbled, tears spilling down my cheeks. I had cried more in these last months than I had in my entire life. I had no idea the human body was capable of producing so many tears. "But if there's just the slightest chance that he'll wake up, then I'll be damned if I don't take it. He's never given up on me, I'm not about to give up on him."

Bobby gave a nod, his sandy blonde hair falling over his pale blue eyes slightly. "The chances of him ever recovering, or even waking up, are astronomical," he said. Big word for a military man. "But if that's what you want, we'll tell the doctors to keep him alive."

I thanked them and heard them leave the room. "Please," I begged to Ranger. "You have to wake up," I brought his hand to my lips and kissed him gently, as if afraid of hurting him even more. I buried my head in my arms against the side of the bed and cried myself to sleep.

The next few weeks passed slowly. I had lost a lot of weight and had withdrawn from my friends and family. People had tried to come and get me to go out with them. Joe Morelli offered to take me to see a Rangers game, Mary Lou offered to take me to the beauty parlour, Lula offered to take me out for lunch and Connie had offered me the use of her vacation house at Point Pleasant. Hell, even Vinnie himself had stopped by. Although that could have just been to see if his number one bounty hunter really was as bad as everyone was saying.

There had been no change. There was no indication that he would wake up anytime soon, no indication that he could hear us or, or that he knew we were near, or that he was aware of his surroundings. I almost laughed at the irony of the situation.

Bobby asked me again if I wanted the machines turned off. After the first time he and the others had asked, I had thought long and hard about my decision and I knew what I was going to say if asked again.

More tears of sorrow fell down my pale cheeks, but I made no attempt to wipe them away. I nodded and felt him squeeze my shoulder. It wasn't fair on Ranger to make him live the way he was. It wasn't a life, not one that he was aware of. He was unconscious, so he wouldn't know if we turned the machines off. But I would, and I would have to live with that decision for the rests of my life. I knew that Ranger wouldn't want to have to rely on machinery to breathe for him or keep his body going. And quite frankly, neither would I. If the situation was reversed, I would want Ranger to let me go. So it was only fair that I do the same for him. Even if it would kill me as well as him inside.

Bobby wrapped an arm around my neck and held me close to him. I soaked his shirt, but I felt fat tears drip onto my head. "I'm so sorry I asked you to do that," he said. "I'll give you a few minutes alone."

I waited until I heard the door close behind him before I said anything. I took a deep breath to try and calm myself. It didn't help much. "Ranger…Carlos, I'm am so, so sorry," I whispered. I prayed that the Merry Men wouldn't resent me for my decision, but they had put a huge pressure on my shoulders. "I just want to thank you. For everything you've done for me since we met. For believing in me when no one else did. For being they're for me and protecting me, even when I didn't want protection. I'm sorry I was so stubborn and such a pain in the ass. I don't know if you can hear me – they tell me you can't – but I need you to know that I love you, and I'll make sure your not forgotten."

I lent forward and brushed my lips lightly against his, casting my mind back to that scene in Sleeping Beauty that my sister always used to watch over and over again when we were kids. The scene when the prince kisses her and she wakes up. If only fairy tales were true, I thought.

As the day wore on, various friends and family members stopped by to say goodbye to Ranger. His family had decided that they couldn't be there when it happened and I had serious thought about joining them. But I wanted to be there when Ranger took his last breath.

The evening finally came and a handful of Merry Men and I gathered in his hospital room. A nurse looked at me one last time, her hand hovering about the machine. I bit down on my lip, causing it to bleed, but I didn't notice. My eyes were fixed on Ranger's still body. I thought back to our one night together, remembering the way his body felt against mine; the way we fit together perfectly. It had been one of the best nights of my life.

I nodded at the nurse and watched as his chest stopped rising. A long, continuous beeping sound filled the room. I leant into Lester's chest, his arm around me as we all said a silent goodbye to a man who had touched each of our lives in different ways.

He was buried three days later. It was a private ceremony, with only family members and Rangemen in attendance. And me of course. I had helped organise it, along with his mother. He was buried next to his father, who had died a year before.

After the party celebrating the life that he had led, Tank handed me a black video tape. I looked up at him with questioning and watery eyes. The fact that it was my time of the month didn't help much either.

"He told me," Tank started. "To give that to you if anything were to ever happen to him. He also told me to make sure you watched it instead of slipping into denial land."

I promised him I would and turned to leave. Just as I got to the door I was stopped by a woman I recognised as Ranger's mother. Her long dark hair hung loose below her shoulder and her dark eyes were soft and understandably sad. She rested a hand on my forearm. I felt terrible and didn't want to be around her. I felt ashamed at what I had done. I had taken her youngest son away from her. "Hija," she said.

It was one of the few words I actually knew in Spanish. I held up my hand in the universal stop sign. "I don't deserve to be called your daughter," I said, avoiding the gaze of her dark brown eyes.

"You were as good as," she gave my hand a squeeze. "I want to thank you for making the decision that I couldn't."

I nodded and walked away. I couldn't bear to be in the room any longer. I drove to the RangeMan building automatically and took the elevator to the seventh floor. The room smelt of Bulgari and I felt tears drip down my face. Tank, Lester and Bobby were going to clean it out soon and give what little possessions he had to his family. I walked to the bedroom and cast my mind back to the Slayers incident. Shrugging my duffel bag off of my shoulder, I filled it with the spare clothes I kept here and also took his bottle of shower gel and a few of his black shirts to sleep in at night.

The tape that Tank had given me felt heavy in my pocket. I remembered my promise to him, but I was scared of what might be on it. Eventually I slipped it into the VCR and sat on the couch, looking up at the plasma.

Ranger came onto the screen, looking into the video camera. I felt my chest tighten at the knowledge that I would never seeing him again.

"Babe," he started, his dark eyes never leaving the camera. It was like he was looking into my empty soul. He let out a breath. "Steph, if your watching this, then it means I can no longer be there for you. I'm sorry I left you, but I want you to move on. Forget about me and be happy, I hate it when your sad or upset."

I brought my legs up to my chest and heard him mumbled. "Shit, this is harder than I thought it was going to be." He carried on in normal tone of voice. "I've left you enough money so that you won't ever have to worry about food, or your future children or your rent ever again. What you choose to do with that money is your choice, but it's there if you need it."

He was silent for the next few seconds and I found myself unable to look away from his beautiful face. "I want you to know that I've always believed in you… You're amazing, and can do anything you set your mind to. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently. These last years have been some of the best of my life. When we met I was just about to move to Miami, but I'm so glad I stuck around. Give my love to my family and keep the Merry Men under control. And Babe, I love you, and I'm so sorry if I never got to tell you."

And then the screen went blank. Salty tears trailed down my cheeks and I saw black dots cloud my vision. I couldn't believe he loved me. I couldn't bear to think of all the good times that we could have had if I had just worked up the courage to tell him how I felt before it was too late.

I stayed in his apartment on the leather couch and watch the tape several more times. I cried myself to sleep and stayed there until Tank found me the next morning.

_OK, I'm official in hiding, please don't hurt me. I was originally going to have Ranger wake up, but then I got the idea of the video tape and, well..._


End file.
